MAKING 만두: a memoir

homemade mandu frying in a pan

I.

in college, my first korean adoptee friend told me the story of being a part of one of the special events for Asian American prospective students. she said they all sat around and talked about how their mothers made dumplings. her mother didn't make dumplings.

II.

my mother did. in elementary school we made mandu for my brownie troop. i wore my hanbok and we got coolers full of green tea from the local chinese restaurant. we earned some kind of cultural badge. there were three kids of color in my entire elementary school class, including me.

III.

i learned how to make 만두 (stuffed dumplings) at Korean culture camp. i started going in first grade, i think. each age group had a different color t-shirt. first graders wore white.

the camp was run by white adoptive parents. they set the curriculum, and hired Korean Americans to help teach the classes. the camp was open to Korean adoptees and their white adoptive siblings. we rotated between different stations: music, folktales, language, brush painting, tae kwon do, fan dancing, music, games and art.

my first memory is from the art station. we made ourselves passports. 

IV.

my favorite part was always tae kwon do. every year kids would lay on the floor in a row for other campers to do flying side kicks over and break boards during the final show for parents. i was never asked to do the flying side kicks because i was fat. 

V.

back to the dumplings.

after you hit 6th grade, you were expected to help out with the younger campers instead of being one yourself. one of our duties as unpaid camp helpers was to help prepare all of the food for the end of week banquet. this included making thousands of mandu. i'm kind of an overachiever, a perfectionist, a closer. i was especially so back then. so while others would kinda cower at sticking their hands into raw egg and meat, i dove into it, striving to make the most dumplings and the most perfect dumplings and do to it faster and better than everyone else. so that is how i learned to make 만두.

VI. 

after high school i summered working for a caterer. one year we had to make 300+ empanadas for an event. the other workers were having trouble filling them and folding them. i stepped in and it all came flooding back to me. i personally filled and folded all 300 of them.

VII.

i became a vegetarian in 6th grade but i always made an exception for the food at the culture camp banquet. years later i started making veggie 만두 that were delicious and flavorful. in college i couldn't buy dumpling skins so i made the dough by hand. these dumplings were chewy and rustic. during my summer in Seoul i made dumplings with kimchi from the hasookjip where i was staying, although i ventured out to a vegetarian restaurant weekly for 만두.

VIII. 

now i have to eat mostly gluten-free for medical reasons. this year, for my birthday, my partner and my bestie tried to make me gluten free 만두. the dough was a struggle, and they couldn't fill them properly. once i started helping they turned out better, but i conclude that i can make a gluten exception for dumplings.

IX. 

also ramyeon.

X. 

last week, i made 만두 again for some friends who were coming over for dinner. it felt so right, my hands and heart moved without thinking. i filled and folded each one effortlessly. it felt like only minutes had passed and i made over 50. my partner lovingly fried them on three sides, golden brown, 맛있어요. it felt like home. warm. sweet. full.

my mother never taught me how to make dumplings. turns out, i didn't need a recipe after all.